It is the wedding season yet again and this time even I am about to be a part of it. Looking at it closely and being involved personally my mind has been wandering off to the pathetic state of our minds which is nevertheless ruled by the society. Well to be true now I have come to realize that blaming society is not an excuse for “The Big Fat Indian Wedding”, the individuals involved are the ones to be taken in to account. Being a female I would be able to narrow down stuff to my side of gender as I cannot do justice to the male counterpart without experiencing it myself.
Let’s start with the term itself, Big Fat Indian Wedding. When I started earning I had promised myself to limit my wedding to a small intimate affair with people who would actually be happy to bless me for this new phase I would be stepping in. I did not want the countless people such as bhua-dadi ki bahu ki beti or taiji ke chacha ke beti ki saas from far flung areas to be a part of “the judgement jury”. With time I have come to realize that you cannot please everyone and with the numerous extended relatives there is always some or the other who hits the nail and complains “ladki ne laal teeka nahi lagaya tha”. The two main people (bride & the groom) and our parents won’t even come to realize how the wedding proceeded. They would be so stuck up in attending to these people. Isn’t it their right to make this day memorable for themselves rather than being held up in the niceties and courtesies? This one big night of my life will be gone in pretense while smiling at extended relatives who appear complete strangers to me. But well, as my dad would say “these are the treasures of life.” I wonder if treasures are so hollow!
Once the guest list is under control, comes the expenses. It seems our parents earn their entire life for this one event. You may compromise crucial years of your life for scholarships that may get you through higher education from abroad but this… “isi ke liye toh kamaya hai itna”. I may probably be looked upon as too modern if I would want a simple affair involving taking vows and being blessed by our parents. But isn’t that the only thing that actually counts? With every saree or some gold jewellery that my mom buys for me my blood dries up a little bit. Can’t I buy stuff that I would require after marriage? The heavy lehenga that the brides wear on The Day amounts to no less than 30,000 (which by the way is the chor bazaar prize). Does she wear that lehenga ever in her life again? Oh well and don’t even get me started on the concept of renting you bridal lehenga! To add to it there is a beautiful excuse for the gold that our parents buy for us, you know, its future security. Well isn’t the man I am marrying my future? If we are mature enough to take each other’s responsibility aren’t we mature enough to be responsible for our own security? Are parents meant to keep giving a secure future to their children at the cost of their own luxuries?
And of course then comes the expected behavior of the bride to-be. Being independent and opinionated it comes as a more demanding phase. I spent most of my life, till date, to be educated and to develop my personality such that I can face this world with confidence and now I have to mellow it down so that it brings the elegance of a bride to-be.
Why can’t an Indian bride have her opinions?
Why can’t she have a loud voice or a carefree laughter?
Why can’t she roam around with her friends and be socially active?
She had carved a beautiful life for herself all these years, and now she is expected to change the course of her life just because of this one “event”?
Isn’t being committed to the groom enough?
Isn’t being respectable of the elders enough?
Why is it necessary to take care while changing the DPs or posting statuses or the check-ins? I know these are petty things, but then why do they matter so much. You teach your girl to have an open mind and when she does harbor the thoughts you ask her to suffocate it using these so called “log kya kahenge” ropes. Believe me the girl as sensible as she is would fulfil all these expectations willingly, but why is it expected out of her? Will this define her life ahead? Will this be the reason for her happy family?
You probably want to kill her old self so that she can start off with a new one. Hmm.. Nice thought!
“Learn to cook.” We girls can manage to cook but why does it have to be so explicit? Wasn’t the guy eating before the girl came in her life?
“Go slim.” How would my figure help when I am not comfortable in my own pretentious skin?
“Stop acting like a child.” Well you are anyway killing it inside me!
This institution of marriage has failed to actually consummate the vows between two individuals who are about to spend their lives together. I am not against this concept of celebration but can’t it be in a way that the people who have actually been the part and parcel of the bride and groom’s life be put to rest and enjoy the union in a peaceful and blessed manner rather than running around in making arrangements for people?
You would say that I should do something about it? But how much power a bride to-be has over her parents and the groom side in these things? Wouldn’t it be too non-bridal..Ha! Well believe me, I have tried, tried hard! But it seems the bride loses her identity till ‘The day’! And surprisingly the identity is given back to her the day the responsibilities are to be handed over!
We cannot blame the society for this. Change starts with self. When we ourselves don’t have the courage to take one step towards our own betterment we cannot expect the society to push it in for us. Yes it’s a celebration of two souls being united forever, but does it really call to spend your lifetime of struggles for this one celebration? Isn’t this grand union a celebration in itself? Our lives wouldn’t be ruled by the kind of celebration we did for our union, it would be ruled by the sensibilities we have and the understanding we harbor.
Isn’t it simple? Well it is! Only if we were accustomed to looking at things simply!
P.S – This article would also be asked to be pulled off!
shraddhanyati 